Paisley and Parsley

4 out of 3 people struggle with math

9 times out of 10 children get their awesomeness from their mother

a fun thing to do in the morning before I have my coffee is not talk to me

ah Friday, my second favorite f-word.

best friends don't care if your house is clean. they care if you have wine.

by now the wine should know enough to come out of the store when I honk.

don't you think if I was wrong, I'd know it?

every family has one weird relative. If you don't know who it is, it's probably you.

give me coffee to change the things I can and wine to accept things I can't

I am going to start cleaning the house. And by cleaning, I mean drinking wine and spraying with Febreeze.

I don't like monday mornings, or people who like Monday mornings, or mondays, or mornings, or people.

I have PMS, ADD and OCD. I want to kill you, but I can't focus on that right now because I have to go wash my hands.